i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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