Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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