Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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