RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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