i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
