You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
