You can't special order awesome
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
