Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
