I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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