So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish you could order shots online.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
