jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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