a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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