two words...techno handjob
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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