Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
