just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize