My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
