We're facebook friends in real life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
