i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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