aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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