if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
