I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
