There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
