My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
