now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
