they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have post one night stand depression
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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