she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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