If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
