Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
