so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
