smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
