i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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