have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
