mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
