lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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