my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
