the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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