We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
