It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize