I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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