so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sorry my hands just texted you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
