I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
