Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
