So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think i have two assholes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
