I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
