I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize