I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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