I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
