Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize