I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
