guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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