The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
