So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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