he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have aggressive nipples.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
