I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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