she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Randomize
