i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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