tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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