so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize