Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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