I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
