I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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