garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
