sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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