Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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