the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
