Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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