The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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