1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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