Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
